I sit here with an unopened bottle of medication still in the bag fresh from the pharmacy. I can’t help but stare at it. Here it is. What I would hope would be the answer. The solution to my deepest darkest depths of sadness. One would think if they finally had the solution to riding the sadness, the feelings of unworthiness, the feeling of being unloved, they couldn’t wait to unwrap the magical pill and swallow one immediately.
Yet here I sit, pondering this next step. I think back on how long it’s taken me to get here. How many years Ive fought these feelings of inadequacies , how little I knew about depression, how much I’ve thought I am just not good enough.
“Did anyone talk you through this?” the pharmacist said to me as she rung up the bottle.
“Uh, nope, not really, just the side affects,” I said with a nervous tone, hoping she didn’t have more to add to the list.
“Oh yeah, just remember they are short-lived, nothing to worry about.”
I half smiled and took a deep breath.
She looked at me concerned. “Is this your first time?” as if it was something as common as a trip to Disneyland.
I nodded. “Yea, it is, and I honestly am a little afraid.”
She paused and looked right at me. “Listen, this isn’t my first rodeo, and I just want you to know these pills all affect different people differently. What may work for one person may not work for another. Just know that when you find the right fit with the right prescription, it is going to change your world, dear.”
I felt a sense of relief, connection. “Thank you, thank you so much. You have no idea how stressed and anxious this all has made me.”
“Just give it some time. It won’t happen right away, but once it starts to work you will notice.”
I smiled, grabbed my bag from her and went on my way.
I was so afraid the stigma of mental illness and depression would override that whole situation and make it 10 times worse than it was. I thank that pharmacist for being real with me, for opening up and being vulnerable to a stranger. What she did helped ease me into this next part of my journey.