An early Saturday morning, coffee dripping, I rise from bed excited for whats about to unfold.
A new adventure awaits. I start gathering my final things before hitting the road with my husband. I quickly grab a yogurt so that I have some fuel to run off of, knowing this is going to be a challenging hike.
As we approach the trail head I feel butterflies in my stomach. A recipe of fear, self-doubt, excitement, wonder and joy anytime I place myself in front of a new challenge.
Packs on, car locked. we head out. as we start the climb about a mile in I start feeling intense feelings of self-doubt.
“I should turn back.”
“I’m too fat to make this climb”
My heart was beating out of my chest. Sweat pouring down my face getting into my eyes and leaving a sting so fierce I couldn’t help but to cry some of it out.
I yelled up to my husband “I can’t do this!”
He stopped and turned around “Yes you can!”
I stopped and took a deep breath. I looked behind me back at what I just climbed up. I looked back up to what I had before me yet to finish. I took another deep breath and continued forward.
The hike only continued to get harder, as I climbed I kept telling myself to be grateful that my body was able to achieve this.
I thought about how many calories I could be burning, but knew that what I was doing was far more important than burning calories. That is when it hit me, I don’t want to be “Skinny” I’m tired of chasing this “ideal body” I want a body that can take me to the highest summits, I want a body that can fight with the force of a lioness. A body that can carry me to all the beautiful sites this earth has to show me.
I smiled. I just want to be able-bodied and happy.
Before I knew it I had reached the summit. I wiped the sweat away and turned in every direction around me. I was on top of the world. I could see for miles and miles. I sat on a rock taking it all in. I had hoped that I would be able to see my favorite animal in its natural habitat once I reached the top. There was talk about how they sometimes show up. I started eating a cliff bar marveling in the work that my body has done to get me to where it was.
My husband stood up and yelled “Molly! Look!”
I stood up, and just below me stood the most beautiful creature, purest white like new fallen snow. the wind blew his coat so perfectly that it was almost magic.
He continued towards us I jumped up and down and of course grabbed my phone to snap some shots of this gorgeous creature!
A mountain goat, North Idaho’s stubborn , majestic, powerful king of the hill. My heart swelled and I could feel my soul regenerating from this possibly once in a life time moment.
It was then that I paid full gratitude to my body. I thanked it for getting me to the places in which I could refuel my most inner being. It’s moments like that when you truly forget or care what you look like because all you are is a soul.